Picture this—you’re in a group, a new team at work or school orientation, and you’re going around the room doing introductions. Maybe saying a few words about yourself, sharing three interesting facts, or talking about your favorite type of music.

I was the person that dreaded those moments. I’d hope—a deep, fierce, all-consuming hope matched only by my dread of having to answer—that I’d somehow magically be skipped over, forgotten, let to slide into the background. There were no interesting facts to offer, no favorite type of music, and describe myself you say, what kind of ridiculous question is that? What kind of psycopaths are out there that do that?

I’ve had a few blogs over the years, mostly as a young teenager. They had funny names like ‘Spark Plug’ and all had one thing in common aside from being short-lived and riddled with grammatical errors—it was never truly me. It wasn’t not me either. I was very open about a lot of my interests, namely programming, but there were always two distinct mes, the real world one and the Internet one. I didn’t have the confidence to merge and own those two mes fully, and while I don’t like to admit it, I know it was because I feared that I wasn’t intersting enough, wouldn’t be liked, or wouldn’t be thought of as ‘cool’. To put my whole self out there meant risking that it—me—wouldn’t be accepted and that was too great a risk to take.

What I’ve come to realize is that these are fears of my own creation, projections of my own insecurities. They weren’t feelings put on me by others—I had plenty of good friends online and off and a loving and supporting family. And only with this realization was I finally able to start fighting back.

I’m making progress but the road is long. Lately I’ve felt myself getting too comfortable with where I’m at. That’s why I started writing here, to challenge and push myself. I don’t pretend to be a great writer or to think that the world needs to hear what I have to say. But I do have something to say. And I’m going to say it, out loud and honestly.

Having the courage to do so—to be vulnerable and share—is still a leap for me, maybe not quite the chasm it was as a teenager, but it’s there. I gotta say, though, when I do make the leap it feels good. Each time I’ve been met not with rejection but with love, compassion, and support. I try to remind myself of that often.

So that’s why I’m here. No promises on how long I’ll keep it up or whether anything will be worth reading. But what’s here will be the real me, the real Michael.


With all that said, here goes nothing—

Describe myself? There’s an entire page for that. And three interesting facts, that’s easy:

  1. I love to run, though not competitively. It’s a mental health thing for me
  2. I move way too fast. I visited home recently and managed to break 3 glasses in the span of an hour, just from walking around the house too quickly
  3. I live to laugh, with others more than at, though sometimes I fall short. I’m working on it, mostly

Oh and music. I love all sorts. My guilty pleasure today is Hot Girl Bummer, My favorite karaoke song is Natalie’s Rap, and anything ‘alternative’ will normally make me happy. But really I just like catchy lyrics.